A few weeks ago, I was watching someone’s live stream on Instagram.

He was lamenting everything going on that week; George Floyd, the protests that seemed to be more dangerous by the day, police violence. . . he looked weary. The conversation turned to how we should be educating white people. I dropped a comment saying:

“It’s always the burden of the oppressed to teach the oppressor. Make reading great again! The library is free!”

He saw the comment and read it aloud. In an almost chiding voice he replied, “Yeah, but that’s not realistic though!” And I thought to myself: not realistic to read? Sure. I’ll make the case that not many people hit up the library these days, but I will never stop expecting people to read things. Is that too much to ask of adults these days? A lot of the users in the stream agreed with him, so I fell back. Maybe I was wrong?

I wasn’t.

Just a few days later, in the midst of news breaking that activist, Oluwatoyin Salau was murdered and various clips of Black girls being harmed going viral, J. Cole released a track seemingly calling out rapper Noname, saying he wasn’t really feeling her, “queen tone.”

Now, is some of this calling out in reference to that song? Sure. But really, J.Cole is just at the tip of the misogynoir iceberg that is the Black cis community.

This letter is a PSA to all Black men: You are the white people of Black people.

Let it be known that it is no one’s obligation to teach you anything. You cannot casually admit to not having done any reading and then be bewildered at the tone someone uses to school you.

Education isn’t a one-dimensional thing that can be doled out in one scoop. When you’re looking to us to hold your ashy hands and gently walk you through your own racism and misogyny, realize that there are levels to learning and understanding.

Humor me for a second. If you asked your teacher for the answers to a test, and they gave them to you, you’d pass the test. Hell, you’d ace that test. But would you actually understand the answers you were given? Would you understand why they’re right? Why they solve the problem? Probably not. Or, at least only superficially.

If you read things, take notes, highlight shit, write down quotes that speak to you, read them aloud, question them, and have discourse the impact of that will be exponentially more meaningful than what somebody can just tell you.

That is what we call doing the work. You’re not helpless to do this. You’re just lazy.

Do you understand that patience and gentility is a privilege during a revolution? Do you realize those are luxuries Black women are rarely afforded? I will not be gentle with someone who feigns to want to be educated, but only listens with one ear. I will not mince words with people who give half-assed efforts to learning things they don’t understand. We will not coddle you. We will not breastfeed you the most basic of information.

Imagine how infuriating it is to routinely be at the front lines of protests, organizations to help protect Black men in our communities, and then when we ask for the same, we are erased, invalidated, “checked,” and gaslighted.

I think about Noname listening to a song, and reading lyrics about how she should “come help us get up to speed,” as if she didn’t create a book club for that very purpose.

Toyin tried to seek help after being sexually assaulted, and was found dead. A video of a Black girl being brutally hit in the face with a skateboard by a black man after she called him “corny,” was shared virally. Breonna Taylor’s killers have not been arrested. We are fighting for your lives and ours everyday because no one else will, and you think we have time to teach you how 1+1 = misogyny?

But, I understand why some of you defend J. Cole and the song. I get that for you, you live in a patriarchy that puts your marginalizations first, while pushing everyone else’s damn near to the edge. Considering Black women as your equal would be admitting that we have needs that are just as pressing and urgent as yours, and that is just unfathomable to you. So, instead of listening to the critiques of someone like Noname or any other Black woman, you call it divisive — you tell women like her to (as Cole put it in the song) treat you like children and say that, ‘people need to be healed.’

J.Cole wasn’t looking for a teacher and neither are you; You all are looking for caretakers.

That is a role Black women have been boxed into for over a century and consequently a role that Black Men only see us fit to assume.

This letter is also for you: The Black man who fashions himself as one of the good ones. You don’t say “Black Trans Lives Matter” enough. You don’t say “Black Queer Lives Matter” enough. You don’t check your friends when they say that preaching those things “dilutes” the message, because they won’t admit they’re actually disgusted by Trans and Queer folks. You still hang around guys who degrade women like it’s their job. Some of those guys have been accused of sexual assault, rape, or domestic violence and yet you’re still “kickin it with tha homie,” on Snapchat while reposting #JusticeForBreonnaTaylor. Your ignorance is at best pathetic, and at worst, violent.

We’re cutting the cord. You know those videos online of swim instructors tossing babies in a pool so they can learn how to swim? That’s you, you’re the baby. But unlike the swim instructor, the rest of us are not going to sit and watch if you sink or not.

Megan Beauchamp

Megan Beauchamp is a journalist and digital creative keen on making experiences that bring people together. When she's not writing, you can find her guzzling oat milk and watching Real Housewives.
@megansjane

Dear Black Men, We're Cutting The Cord